POTC Without a Corset
by Selahcanto
Summary: One-Shot, Complete. I had this feminist-cliche fit...I'm back on medication now, I feel much better.


Disclaimer: I own nothing. This is a rip-off from a popular film, which is the only reason you're reading it anyway, savvy?  
  
POTC Without a Corset  
  
Commodore Norrington led Miss Swann up to the fort wall, to look over the Caribbean Sea. Certainly, a romantic place to propose, and that was important to women, wasn't it? Norrington cleared his throat nervously and glanced furtively at Elizabeth.  
  
"Um, you look lovely, Elizabeth," he ventured.  
  
Elizabeth threw him a kind of grimace and looked ill, fanning herself briskly. Many men would have been put off by this, but Norrington had not risen to his present rank without persistence in adversity.  
  
"I apologize if I seem forward, but I must speak my mind," he began pompously. "This promotion throws into sharp relief that which I have not yet achieved—a marriage to a fine woman." Norrington turned to look intensely at the governor's daughter. "You have become a fine woman, Elizabeth," he added, earnestly.  
  
"I think it's the implants," Elizabeth replied thoughtfully. "Father wasn't sure they were worth the expense, and people say silicone is dangerous to your health," Elizabeth shrugged carelessly, "but I needed to convince everyone I'm a ready to be a sex symbol somehow, didn't I?"  
  
"Ah, um, indeed!" Norrington hastened to agree. "But I don't think—really, with your slim and graceful figure, so elegant—you have blossomed into a beautiful young lady."  
  
"Yes, thank Heavens for nip and tuck surgery to get rid of the puppy fat. Such an improvement over liposuction! I'm particularly proud of my rear, really, my best feature now."  
  
"Yes?" Norrington bent backward to glance at the indicated feature and then abruptly remembered that he was a gentleman. "Well, er, I must say, I think your face is enchanting, and I find your coolly unemotional expression quite well-bred."  
  
"I find that injecting small amount of the deadliest poison known to man directly into my skin every few months does wonders for the complexion and encourages natural hauteur."  
  
Norrington turned to look over the ocean again, marshalling his strength for another try. Somehow this conversation had gone off course. But it was always a good idea to try to share in your bride-to-be's interests, right? What could he possibly say on the subject?  
  
With a burst of inspiration, Norrington turned to Elizabeth and began, "I'm quite impressed with your waist. What fortitude you have, to wear your corset so tightly laced..."  
  
He was interrupted by a scream of indignation from the lovely aristocrat.  
  
"How dare you suggest that I would wear a corset! Listen, Mr.-I'm-stuck-in- the-seventeenth-century, I've got better things to do than cater to your chauvinistic idea of feminine beauty! Women are through being docile, sweet slaves to fashion and social expectation, in case you missed it, we're liberated now! We're nothing like those poor creatures who never had the benefit of modern thinking and feminist rallies! Someday, people are going to look back on corsets and laugh that anyone could have been oppressed enough to wear one!"  
  
Norrington thought that Elizabeth, eyes sparkling with rage and panting with passion, looked quite attractive, but he turned from her in shame, gazing blindly over the waves as he blushed red and stammered out an apology.  
  
Elizabeth spun away with a "humph!" to show her disdain, but unfortunately forgot that for some reason she was standing on the very edge of the parapet and fell like a rock into the sea.  
  
Norrington turned back to find her gone. "Elizabeth?" he said, puzzled. "Elizabeth!" he shouted as he spotted the disturbance in the water.  
  
The rest of the movie went quite well, all things considered. Captain Jack Sparrow demonstrated a mouth-to-mouth technique used to save good-looking females that he picked up in Singapore. But during the final fight, Elizabeth found herself without any witty repartee. Probably the effect of the botox. 


End file.
